The Ballad of Anglo-Irish Bank

A homage to our iconic and systemically important bank, prompted by Ulick McEvaddy (pity he's not a tax evader, his name is crying out for a pun)

Ulick my hole and I’ll lick yours
We’re all a pack of filthy hoors
The old boys club, the old school ties
We don’t tell truths, we just tell lies
Lending money we never had
So Johnny and Mary could buy a pad
In some far flung field in Kinnegad
You’re in negative equity? Well that’s too fucking bad

We’re wealth creators, buccaneers
But all was not as it appeared
No matter how much we were told
We kept on selling pure fool’s gold
Shoebox apartments and property porn
Buying off plans before they’d been drawn
And now we’ve left one holy mess
We’re the Cowboys of the Wild Wild West

And the people kept on buying like sheep
Now they’re up to their necks and in too deep
But we can exercise our clout
We know our mates will get us out
Biffo, Lenihan, Coughlan too
They’ll stay with us and they’ll stay true
Cos’ it don’t matter how many fuck-ups we make
We know we’ll still get a golden handshake
So even though the country’s in the shits
We’ll raise a toast to Seanie Fitz
Cos’ we’ve got friends in high-up places
They’ll defend us, take our cases
Golden circles and pyramid schemes
Fuck the people and their dreams
But for all you good folk who are left
We hope you’re ready for the IMF
And when you’re languishing in shitty Ireland
We’ll be drinking champagne in the Cayman Islands
But remember that when the good ship Ireland sank
What brought it down was Anglo-Irish Bank